It all started, like it mostly does with an article which I read while waiting in the carpool lane. Thanks to my mommy brain (my go-to-excuse for everything), I forgot most of it by the time we reached home but it left me with a certain kind of itch.
After days of living, the itch didn’t seem to go away so I knew I had to get it out of my system by giving it words.
Now the article (as far I remember) was a pretty straight forward vanilla version of friendship and all its glory but it just did not resonate with me as it was all about blending in.
I and a lot of people have mastered the art of blending in but you know what?
It does not work all of the time.
It works for them, not you. In fact, that is how you “DO NOT” find your people
Confused?
Let’s go deep.
1. BLEND IN:
It’s human nature to blend in.
Imagine being in a new place, surrounded by new people, talking about things you have least interest in but everyone else seems to be enjoying….
Having been there multiple times, I totally understand that a new environment can be quite intimidating and going back to our default settings, what do we do?
We blend in!
How?
By being vanilla….ordinary, normal, going with the flow.
I get it….
It’s safe, no one gets to know the real you and for the most part, people think good things about you (if they notice you).
You get to know all these amazing people, you meet them here and there and soon you are one big happy family.
They have found a neat new friend in you but what about you?
You feel blended.
Now there is a chance that you might click with someone for real but it does not all happen all the time.
Fast forward a bit.
You are hanging out with your new tribe and now when you start giving them a piece of the real you, things do not go as planned.
Since you had never shown them your true self, they were cool with you going with the flow. They do not seem to relate to this new version of you and so the love starts to fizzle and the blame game starts and everyone feels disappointed and a tad bit hurt and suddenly you are alone.
So what do should you really do?
2. YOU DO YOU.
If you really want to find your kind of people….
Be your truest self!
I know it can be scary, especially around new people and you will have all these feelings screaming at you like
Why should I go all in?
What if no one likes me?
What if they think crazy things about me?
Will I be the only one without a friend?
These feelings are normal thanks to our default settings. We are supposed to be somewhat fearful of the unknown.
But you know what?
The only thing which holds true for all of us is that you can only find a true friend by being the truest version of yourself first.
If you want to be surrounded by your kind of people, then plain and ordinary needs to go.
As crazy and scary as it may sound, try to be yourself at the very first chance you get. If you are scared of being left alone then good for you, as it was never your crowd, to begin with.
It is okay to say that you do not know much about the subject at hand.
It is okay to politely say that the topic does not interest you.
It is okay to drift away from the discussion at hand.
You will be pleasantly surprised that there will always be people who talk your talk and walk your walk, but unless you are brave enough to say what you truly want to say, you will never find them and they will never find you.
And that gets me to my next point …..
3. AGE IS JUST A NUMBER AND THE STATUS IS TOTALLY IRRELEVANT
The world is a global village and thanks to the social media we can now be in touch with people from miles away.
Over the past decade, I myself have encountered so many wonderful people from all walks of life. Some of them were there for a season while others are still in for a looong ride.
Initially, I would try to friend people my age and my lifestyle but sometimes I just could not relate and instead found myself enjoying the company of people older than me, way younger than me, people totally different than me.
I learned that mindset and age are not two sides of the same coin and should not be confused.
Similarly what someone does for a living or their status does not define their relationship with you.
So if this is what is holding you back, give yourself permission to enjoy the person and their company rather than the demographics which sometimes we all get sucked into.
Lastly
4. GIVE THEM A SNEAK PEAK
This comes way after all the above-mentioned points and once you have a tribe.
There is a very famous quote …..
“CHANGE” IS THE ONLY THING CONSTANT IN LIFE.
Life, as we all know, is a roller coaster ride. There are ups and downs.
A lot of the times, we happily share our ups with our friends but when the downs happen, we shut the door, bolt it hard and lock it with the biggest locks we can find.
What does it lead to?
Confusion, Miscommunication and sometimes lost in trust.
Your friends have no idea what is happening in your life since you never shared it with them so for them life goes on as usual whereas you have all these mixed emotions bottling up.
You both suddenly cannot relate to each other.
If they call/text to check up on you, you want them to leave you alone at this moment and give you some space but since you never say it out loud, you start feeling suffocating while they think you are being a simple *&*&*&.
So once you have found your kind of people, let them in on what’s going on in your life. It does not have to be a full-blown tour, just a peak so that they know that you are okay and give you what you need in that season of your life.
If for some reason, even after the tour you both cannot relate to each other, it’s okay. Realize they were your friends for a particular season and they will come back once that season is here again.
In a nutshell….
Be brave and have the courage to say what really interests you. Not everyone will like what you have to say and the crowd might thin around you but you know, that is perfectly okay as it was never meant to be.
On the other hand, there will always be someone who will relate to you. They are just waiting for you to be you.
If you have acquaintances but have not yet found your people, it’s because you are going with the flow and blending in.
Stop being vanilla and be the flavor you have always craved for.
You are unique, give your own self a chance to shine.
